6:58 Are You Sure Where My Spark Is?
(Latest 20 entries) (Calendar) (Friends) ("I Think I'm Paranoid") (User info)
Navigate: (Previous 20 entries)
Wednesday, February 4, 2004
Saturday, January 31, 2004
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
WOOP WOOP!!!!!
Stole this from Lisa's LJ -
-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
There Are Too Many Questions
~ MTV has been talking about Madonna touring this summer.. I'm sooooo fucking excited! I really hope this works out and that I get to see the QUEEN OF POP this summer LIVE! It would truely be a dream come true!
~ So I got a new background for my LJ.. I'm so impressed with my growing HTML skills! Speaking of which, I need to work more on my website.. grr..
~ Tori Amos climbed up to the #4 spot in my top 10 fave artists!
#1 - Madonna.
#2 - The Corrs.
#3 - The Jews.
#4 - Tori Amos.
#5 - Jack Off Jill.
#6 - Marilyn Manson.
#7 - Garbage.
#8 - The Smashing Pumpkins.
#9 - The White Stripes.
#10 - Limp Bizkit.
I got Adir to burn me a CD with all sorts of Tori songs lol I'm too lazy to go out and buy her CDs.. Besides, I have no money for that...
~ My Professor called me this morning.. I didnt answer cause I was too tired so I let the machine pick up LOL anyways, turns out the exam is going to take THREE HOURS instead of TWO... HOLY SHIT I better not fail this exam... Its in my "Catholic Europe in the Middle Ages" class...
~ Speaking of classes... Well, I know its a bit early, but I've been looking through schools in Europe for my Masters.. See, hopefully by then I'll have my EU Passport which would be so fucking awesome (its like a Green Card to all of Western Europe!).. And I've narrowed it down to 4 schools - University College Dublin City, in Ireland... University College of Cork, in Ireland... Aberdeen University in Scotland... and Amsterdam University in The Netherlands... the two schools in Ireland have this awesome research Masters program in Medieval History... and Aberdeen & Amsterdam have an awesome research program in Christian Theology & History.... So I'm sorta battleing these 2 programs... I know I still have time... But I'm excited about all this.. I cant wait to get out of here and go to Europe and start LIVING..
~ So Israel finally managed to make a deal with the Hizbulla (Muslim terrorist group up in Lebannon - I go way back with these assholes... my army service was full of getting shot at or bombed by these terrorists)... Anyways, so the deal is to finally get the 3 dead soldiers they kidnapped back in October 2000 (they killed them after kidnapping them), and another Israeli citizen they also kidnapped in Europe (he's alive)... Its a big deal here in Israel.... For these 4 people Israel is letting go of hundreds of Palastinian & Lebenese & Iranian terrorists... ::sigh:: I hate these terrorists... Its at times like these I feel a bit part of Israel.. My army service has a big part in it.. I'm proud of it :) I learned a lot.. I'd do it all over again despite the hardships & stuff.. USA people have NO idea what its like sometimes... They're always laughing about how theres never going to be peace in the middle east... Well, you try living here for a week and you'll see what its like... Not that theres bullets flying out in the streets - not at all... But the terror is in the air all the time.. You just never know...
I'd like to ask everyone to send their prayers so that this deal with the terrorists will work out and that the 3 bodies of the dead soldiers will come back home for burrial, and that the one israeli citizen will come back home to his family safely.. (its supposed to happen on Thursday)....
~ ANYWAYS, back to school... I have to write this paper comparing Oddysius to Achiles in Homer's "Iliad", and how they are two different types of "Heros"... grrr... As if I dont have enough school shit to do...
Anyways, I need to get back to studying for tomorrow's exam...
That is all for now....
Current mood:  busy Current music: "Lets Get Busy" - Sean Paul 2 There Is Not One Solution There Are Too Many Questions
Saturday, January 24, 2004
2:32PM
im not going to be updating on lj too much anymore.
theres no point anyways.
im keeping away from AIM too..
I dont want to talk to people..
Same thing with people out here..
I'm taking a break from everyone and everything..
If I could I'd take a car and drive down to a cabin in the woods and live there all by myself for like a year..
So I'm sorta putting a wall between me and everyone else now.
I need to do this because thats how i feel.
I need alone time.
I'm sick of everyone's bullshit.
I dont know when I'll update again.. maybe when something good happens or something.. Maybe after exams.. i dont know..
All i know is that i'll be checking my email every day so if someone needs to contact me - thats the way they can.
Michelle
Friday, January 23, 2004
I'm slowly getting more & more into Tori Amos lol I've been downloading her songs here & there.. I'm getting quite a collection... I should get her CDs.. but I'm sort of poor right now.. Maybe I'll get Adir to burn me the songs...
i <3 this song.. it was written about me ya know lol
"Crucify" - Tori Amos
"Every finger in the room
is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell our now
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains
Got a kick for a dog
Beggin' for Love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl
If you kill the bird
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
my own religion
Please be
Save me
I cry
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains"
Current mood:  bouncy Current music: Tori 1 There Is Not One Solution There Are Too Many Questions
I'll bet you expected this answer. You already knew
you were a DARK ANGELIC, didn't you? You
are similar to a demon but slightly different
in that you don't revel in evil...you revel in
pleasure. Your wings resemble an angel's but if
that's so then you are a Fallen Angel - your
love of sin caused you to be cast from the
Heavens. They are black as raven wings and are
nearly as dark as your desires. You are
faithless and love it - you believe there is no
Judgement Day to fear and so you can do what
you want! You have a refined concept of what is
sexy and a slightly chaotic sense of 'fun.' In
fact, you love chaos and view much of what you
do as a game. You are typically attracted to
those that will challenge your mind, power, and
wit...and are 'dangerous' people like you. It's
not unlikely that you are bisexual or at least
open to the concept, because you seek
excitement and passion everywhere and in
everyone. Chances are you have a special talent
for magick - you're a powerful being and you
know what you want. Like a Serpent of Eden you
like to try your powers of seduction and
manipulation, though your intent is rarely to
cause harm. You have a deep, dark sense of art
and/or poetry, because your mind is a deep,
dark place. While typically smirking, amused,
and sarcastic, you are capable of severe
revenge and a passion and intensity unrivaled
by any other. In your eyes life is for
enjoyment and pleasure - nothing else. If
you're not having fun in your own twisted way,
you're not happy. You are easily bored with the
vast majority of people. You are most likely
drawn towards the Gothic subculture and
probably adore Goth music, art, and style. Many
people look down on your seemingly careless
lifestyle and may even consider you 'slutty'.
Not true. You just know you're sexy and you're
damn proud of it. Dark Angels have an outlook
most like Satanists - loving sin and looking to
none but themselves for power. Congratulations!
You're my kindred spirit. As far as I'm
concerned - you know what life is REALLY about.
Have fun...Muahaha.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
There Are Too Many Questions
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Monday, January 19, 2004
5:44PM
OMG OMG
ok so when I was in grades 3rd through 6th there was this show on TV, and Israeli show called "Tel Aviv's Teens".. it was sort of an educational TV show, it talked about 90210 stuff... but it was sort of like a musical too LOL its hard to explain.. each episode talked about something else, and had 3 songs that had to do with the issues on that episode..
ANYWAYS, i was the BIGGEST fan of this show.. i LOVED it!!! SO THERES RERUNS ON TV EVERY SINGLE DAY OF ALL THE EPISODES!! THESE ARE EPISODES I HAVENT SEEN SINCE 7th GRADE!! AND I STILL REMEMBER ALL THE LYRICS TO THE SONGS!!
I was SOOOOOOO in love with this one chick on the show - ( Shir )
(its a common name in Israel, it means "song").. SHES SOOOO HOT...::drool:: In 6th grade I actually got to meet her!! I got a picture with her and everything!! MY FRIENDS WERE SO JEALOUS OF ME CAUSE THEY ALL LOVED THEM TOO!!!!!
LOL I LOVE THIS SHOW!!! EVERY SINGLE DAY I WAIT FOR IT TO COME ON & I SING LIKE CRAZY!!!
ahhhh memories....
Current mood:  nostalgic There Are Too Many Questions
Sunday, January 18, 2004
Saturday, January 17, 2004
I'm so proud of myself!! I barely get along with HTML shit...
Its not complete yet, I've only done one section (well parts of it!)... But look around!! I'll keep updating you guys whenever I'm done with a new section!
"I Think I'm Paranoid"
Anyways I'm off to bed!
Good Night!
Current mood:  accomplished There Are Too Many Questions
1:05PM
~ I'm experiencing a very bad headache..
~ Back at my grandparents' house...
~ I miss Noa...........
~ I feel like I need to go out & do something.. Something Spiritual though... I feel like lighting some candles tonight and doing something.. I dont know what though... grr.. I'll hafta figure that one out by this evening..
~ I heard "Milk" by Garbage for the very first time, today, in over a year.. That was Danielle & Mine "song"... pfff bullshit to that... Needless to say I listened to it and the only emotion it brought up was anger at myself for being such an idiot and believing the lies pouring out of that bitch's mouth..
O well..
Current mood:  restless There Are Too Many Questions
Friday, January 16, 2004
11:47PM
~ So I was just watching "6 Feet Under"...
This time they had a baby they had to set a funeral for...
That was a bad reminder for things.. Even though when I have my nightmares about what happened - they usually involve a lot of blood... ::sigh::
I'm ok though..
~ Anyways, I studied a bit today.. I still have no idea how the fuck I'm gonna remember all this shit for my midterms... I have to cover everything that happened in Roman culture, politics & history from about 400 BC, then crossing over all the way to the fall of the Carolingian Royal Family in 8th Century AD... Thats about oh... 1100 years... MOTHER FUCKER! Then add Latin Vocab & Grammer shit.. And Roman Literature & Poetry... The Catholic Church's Dogma & "Credo"... New Testament Do's & Don't... Greecian Comedies & Tragedies, including Homer's "Iliad" & "Oddessy"...
Argh...
In my "Dear" Mother's words - "You chose to study this".. Yeah thanks mom..
By the way, I got an 84 on my New Testament exam... Stupid mother fucking Apostles.. I hate them... I know every single detail about Jesus & his stuff.. But the whole "Acts" deal fucked me over... an 84 for me is a failing grade.. Grr.. Anything less then a 90 is BAD!..
~ Today is Brandon's B~Day - YAY! I called him up & wished him a Happy B~Day..
O well.. that is all for now... I'm off to bed soon...
Current mood:  blah Current music: "Halloween" on TV There Are Too Many Questions
3:27PM
Death. So, you're the one who pushed the red button
of death, aren't you? You couldn't resist
afterall, it's in your blood. There's something
to the screams of innocents that makes you
smile, and carnage isn't all that bad as long
as you're on top of the bodies in the end...
well done in doing what centuries of madman
couldn't. You survived the end by causing it,
and being in control of it... congrats!
How would you survive the end of the world?
brought to you by Quizilla
Current mood:  amused There Are Too Many Questions
Thursday, January 15, 2004
First Off, I thought you'd all like to know that my grandma set me up with this American Jewish Boy... See, her niece - Deborah, came to visit us. She lives in Miami (she's like 70 years old, my grandma is 80. See my grandma had like 6 brothers & sisters, and shes the one before last, so Deborah is her Oldest brother's daughter).. ANYWAYS, My grandma got this FAB idea - Lets set up Michelle, with Deborah's grandson - Jason (he is apperantly 21, lives in DC and is training to become a Navy Pilot).
So yeah, I had to give Deborah my email address so she could give it to her grandson... Yup.. this is what happens when you hit 21, and youre the only grandaughter in a polish jewish family (the rest of the grandkids are boys).
ANYHOO, I was thinking today about stuff.. I looked back a year ago.. I figured that dispite shit happening around me, I'm in a way better place then I was a year ago. I learned an important lesson - Keep your enemies close, and your friends closer. I think this sentence sums up everything. I've gone through a huge transformation in the past year - I've became more aware of my surroundings, I've learned to appriciate the little things in life, I've become VERY spiritual & religous, I've managed to take off the blindfold and see people for who they are - Specifically Danielle.
Despite these positive things, there have been some negative results to everything - I've harmed my body a lot. Whether it be pouring into my body as much alcohol as I could find... Cutting & injuring myself on purpose... Not eating, and if I did - then make myself throw it up later.. etc..
Its been a very rough year - physically & mentally. I'm obviously still not ready for a relationship no matter how much I thought I was. I'm scared of letting another person into my life, my heart & soul and giving my everything to her. I'm scared of truel loving someone again. Noa has a lot to do with this fear of mine, not just Danielle. Since she sorta let me into her life, thus I started really liking her - But then she ended it for her own reasons.
I'm wiser then I was a year ago. I dont know if you could say I'm saner. Probably not. But I'm stronger & tougher.
I've learned that no matter how bad things get - As long as I stay true to my word, as long as I do the right thing: I'll be the one who'll be able to live with myself and sleep peacefully at night. People who lie & cheat & hurt others on purpose may be physically & materialistically happy, they may even be temporarily emotionally happy - But that wont last for long. The lies they spread will catch on to them. The pain they've caused others will return to them sooner then they expect and in a force worse then they could ever imagine. And when it does, I'll be watching them beg for mercy, beg for me to help, and beg for my forgivness. And you know what? I'll probably help them and forgive them. Because that is the definition of a person who is worthy of love, respect & happiness.
As much as I've been hurt, and as much as I'm angry & struggling still - I'm glad all this happened. I learned my lesson. And I learned the true nature of who I thought was someone who would never ever lie to me or betray me - not matter how much the truth hurts. I dont deserve a person like that in my life. I can do way better - And I have. I've gained 3 wonderful friends due to this failed relationship, and these 3 people are amazing and I thank the Gods every single day for letting them find their way into my heart.
I guess thats all. Theres nothing more to say. The past is the past, and I hope it rests in peace.
Mors
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
There Are Too Many Questions
Navigate: (Previous 20 entries)
|
|
worried
mischievous
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
drummerinblue's journal
loved
